Starting with facts avoids these problems. Or you hold the story inside because you feel it’s too risky to share - tension builds up and you blow up, getting the bad results you feared. You expect bad results and get bad results. When you blurt out your conclusions, it’s ineffective. Starting with your worst-case scenario or conclusion creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. In order to use the Crucial Conversations “state my path” plan, you have to know the facts. Your belief about why he visited the hotel (absent his explanation) is a conclusion. For example, a hotel receipt in your husband’s name is a fact - you can see it. Start with the facts alone (which are observable), not your emotion-driven story (your conclusions). What Skill #1: Share the Factsįacts set the stage for all sensitive conversations. All are part of the crucial conversations STATE plan. The first three skills involve what to do. Use five skills with the acronym STATE to talk about sensitive topics: Think about other possible explanations, to open your mind to dialogue.Master your story: Realize you may be jumping prematurely to a clever story: victim, villain, or helpless.Start with heart: Think about what you really want and how dialogue can help you get it.To create conditions conducive to dialogue: To have a healthy conversation about a tough topic, you must take care not to violate respect or safety with threats and accusations, despite your worst fears. With new information you might change your mind - so you express your opinion and also encourage others to express theirs.Ĭrucial conversations’ STATE can help guide you through tough topics. Your opinion is a starting point for discussion. Humility: You must be humble enough to realize that you don’t know everything, and you don’t always have to get your way. This is where crucial conversations’ STATE comes in.Ĭonfidence: You must have the confidence to say what needs to be said to the appropriate person (and not complain to someone else), and confidence that you can speak honestly without attacking the other person. To speak honestly when it could offend others, you have to maintain safety by blending confidence and humility. Crucial Conversations’ STATE: Setting the Stage Crucial Conversations‘ STATE method can help you talk about difficult topics. What is Crucial Conversations‘ STATE method? What does crucial conversations STATE stand for, and how can it help you have a healthy dialogue?Ĭrucial Conversations‘ STATE is an acronym that helps you remember and cultivate a certain set of communication skills. Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here. Shortform has the world's best summaries of books you should be reading. This article is an excerpt from the Shortform summary of "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson.
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